Long before I became a psychotherapist and parent coach, I spent years in the therapy room supporting children on the autism spectrum, and in countless conversations with their parents. If there's one thing that early work taught me, it's that no two kids, and no two families, need the exact same approach. What follows isn't a checklist to apply rigidly, it's a starting point to adapt to your own child.
I also want to name something that often goes unsaid: parenting a child with ADHD or autism can be exhausting and isolating, even when you love your child fiercely. That exhaustion is real, and it deserves support too, not just strategies for your child.
Strategies that tend to help
Build predictability into the day. Visual schedules, consistent routines, and advance warning before transitions all reduce the anxiety that comes from uncertainty. Many kids with ADHD or autism aren't resisting a request, they're overwhelmed by not knowing what's coming next.
Treat behaviour as communication. A meltdown or shutdown is rarely defiance. It's far more often a sign of sensory overwhelm, frustration, or a skill gap (like emotional regulation or flexible thinking) that hasn't fully developed yet. Asking "what is my child trying to tell me?" shifts the whole interaction from a power struggle to problem-solving.
Lean on positive reinforcement. Catching and naming the behaviours you want to see more of is far more effective long-term than focusing on what to stop. Specific, genuine praise ("I noticed how you took a breath before answering") builds skills faster than criticism ever will.
Collaborate across every environment. Strategies that work at home should, wherever possible, be echoed at school and with other providers. Consistency across environments helps a child generalize new skills instead of relearning them in every new setting.
Protect your own capacity. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Whatever that looks like for you, even ten minutes of quiet, a walk, or a conversation with someone who gets it, it isn't optional. It's part of supporting your child well.
You don't have to have all the answers
If you're navigating a recent diagnosis, or you've been in it for years and just need somewhere to catch your breath, parent counselling and family counselling can help you build a plan that's realistic for your family, not a generic one pulled from a textbook.
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